YA Retreat 2015

In September of 2015, my church announced that they were going to have their first ever retreat for young adults at the end of October. Even though I thought it sounded fun, I knew I couldn't go because it cost a lot of money (I only had a small job that didn’t pay much at the time). I blew off the thought of even going until one day at church, my friend told me she was going and she thought I should go, too.  I told her my reasons as to why I wasn't going and she understood, but later that night, I couldn’t seem to get the idea of going on the retreat off of my mind. At dinner that night, randomly in conversation, I told my mom about the retreat just to see what she would say and she told me that I should go if I wanted to. After explaining to her about how expensive the trip was, she simply told me we can afford it if we start saving up now (I ended up paying for the whole trip on my own which I was so proud of!), but for some reason, I still kept finding reasons why I couldn’t go - all having to do with fear. For example, I didn’t know any of the young adults at my church except for my ONE friend who I had only talked to twice at church. Everyone else was unfamiliar to me and there were over 200 young adults going… how intimidating is that? Another reason I told myself I couldn’t go is because of the distance. We would be going to Dallas and I would be going with 200 strangers. That just scared me a little bit. Yet after all of those thoughts and fears, God was still tugging at my heart to go. I just felt like I needed to get out of my comfort zone for once in my life. He had greater plans for me; MUCH GREATER than all of my fears. After thinking it through for a little while, I decided to take a leap of faith and have courage.

My favorite quote ever is this one: “Everything that you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” And I just felt like it related to me at the time.

A few months before this retreat, I had been praying for new friends in my life that would be positive influences on me because I had been surrounded by mostly negative people for the last few years and unfortunately, most of my good friends from high school went off to college in August. But God definitely answered my prayers through this retreat. The first moment I walked into the church that Thursday morning, I instantly met new people. We were divided into four teams (50 people each) and we were stuck with each other for the rest of the weekend which wasn’t bad at all. It was so much fun! Honestly, choosing to go on this retreat was one of the best choices I’ve ever made.

Thursday night, we dressed up in 80s-themed outfits and had an amazing service worshipping Jesus. Friday morning, we came to breakfast in pajamas (and onesies!) and then all day that afternoon, we had competitions against the other teams.

(Those are ice cream sandwiches on my onesie.)

That night we had another worship service and then an after party where we dressed up in Homecoming dresses and danced the night away.

Saturday morning, we had another amazing service and then packed up to go home. This memory and trip was definitely life-changing and it’s an experience I’ll never forget. I walked into that retreat knowing only 1 person and I left with 50 new friends who I still talk to and see regularly. It’s changed my perspective on many things and it’s given me courage to face my fears. All glory to God and His amazing plans!

"Ever After" VS. "The Albatross" Research

For my research paper, I decided to do the poems, “Ever After,” by Joyce Sutphen and “The Albatross” by Kate Bass. I originally did “Ever After” and “Valentine” on my poem essay, but unfortunately, I couldn’t think of good subjects to come up with to research for this essay, so I decided to choose another poem. I also thought about using my Stitches essay to research for this paper, but my topic was about the “languages” that David and his family use throughout the book and I thought that might be too hard to research as well.

In this paper, I’m going to research the topics of divorce and separation and how it affects the people in the relationship. In “Ever After,” it is clear that the two people aren’t married anymore, but it’s harder to tell the status of the people in “The Albatross,” so that’s why I’ve decided to use the word “separation” as well. It’s clear that the person still has a key to her house because it says, “I wait until I hear a gate latch lift / the turn of key in lock” (Bass 14-15) so he must be close enough to her that he owns a key to her house. But the idea that they are separated comes from the lines “I sit and she fingers the beads until you speak / in a voice that no longer seems familiar, only strange” (17-18). This indicates that they’ve been away from each other so long that his voice doesn’t sound the same to her anymore.

This same “notion” that these people are different from each other (and are no longer close) reappears in “Ever After,” as well. In the poem, it says “what am I to you now that you are no / longer what you used to be to me / who are we to each other…” (Sutphen 1-3). This gives the idea that since they are separated, they have no connection anymore and the feelings they once felt with ‘familiarity’ are gone. I hope that makes sense to you.

I’d also like to touch on (in the paper) the fact that both of these authors are women and how separation or divorce affect females because I’ve heard that it has a different impact on both of the genders. I’ve researched a little bit already and I’ve found some good information. I’d also like to possibly research about having an “identity” in relationships if that makes sense. I’ve heard a lot about how when someone is in a relationship, they suddenly become connected to the other person and the two people do everything together and go everywhere with each other. But when they decide to get a divorce or separate, it definitely affects both people because they suddenly have to figure out who they are without the other person in their life when they’ve dedicated so much time together. Lines 1-3 in the poem “Ever After” (that I mentioned up above) talk about the subject and I could probably connect the “familiarity of the voice” from “The Albatross” as well. I’m not exactly for sure about that but I’ll see when I start writing my paper! I hope all of this made somewhat sense to you.

Analyzing Two Poems: "Ever After" and "Valentine"

I decided to analyze the poems “Ever After” and “Valentine” for my next essay. I chose these two  because they both have views on a romantic relationship whether they are about being together or a break up. Before I read both of these poems, I took a guess at the title and assumed they both were going to be about cute, sappy romantic relationships. The words “ever after” are normally preceded by the word “happily” so why wouldn’t I think it’d be about that? Also, looking at the title, “Valentine,” one would normally assume it’d be about chocolate and roses because that’s what most couples get each other on February 14th. But these two poems were far different than what I expected.

The poem, “Ever After,” seems to be about two people that split up which is just the opposite of having a “happily ever after.” In the poem, poet, Joyce Sutphen, is asking what the other lover thinks of her now that they aren’t together. It seems they were married because she says “words we rarely used (husband, wife)” (line 10) and throughout the poem, it looks like they must have had a divorce. There’s more to this poem and when I write my essay, I will talk about it more.

In the poem, “Valentine,” the poet, Carol Ann Duffy gets her lover an onion for Valentine’s Day. I was a little confused about this poem the first time I read it, but once we went over it in class, it made a bit more sense to me. It’s definitely not the typical poem you would read to someone you love on Valentine’s Day. The onion seems to be a symbol of love for Carol, instead of the cliche heart, rose, or chocolate that most couples would give each other on that day. Throughout the poem, she explains how the onion is like love to her, using its layers as one example. The longer you stay in a relationship with a person, the more it grows and the more you peel back the “layers” of that person and learn more about them. That’s just one of the many things she talks about when comparing an onion with love and I plan to look deeper into the poem when I write my essay about it.

Something that both of these poems have in common is how they both mention a knife. “Ever After” mentions it when Joyce talks about her and her lover cutting the wedding cake, but the way she describes it seems like she’s talking about more than just a cake. She mentions layers and I can’t help but think maybe she was talking about the layers of their love or relationship and how detrimental a knife can be. When someone accidentally cuts themselves with a knife, it harms them, and maybe in the same way, the knife “cut” into their relationship and ruined it for them. I’m not sure if that actually made sense, but in my head, it did. In the poem, “Valentine,” Carol explains that the scent of the onion will cling to your fingers and your knife indicating that even if you leave that person, they will always be with you. Both of the poems have a darker feel to them, talking about knives when you’d expect them to be talking about hearts and roses.

Another thing that these poems have in common is when they both talk about the layers, whether it be on a wedding cake or an onion. I mentioned it above in both paragraphs and I plan to look further into that topic when I write my essay. I hope this analysis made at least a little bit of sense!

Analyzing The Poem "First Hour" By Sharon Olds

I decided to analyze the poem "First Hour" by Sharon Olds. I want to analyze this one because it confused me a little bit and I wanted to look deeper into it. I feel like it's talking about a baby when it came right out of the womb, but then sometimes it sounds like it's talking about a baby in the womb.

As I read through it more and read it over again, I'm realizing that it's actually talking about the baby after it came out of the womb, hence the title "first hour," the first hour of it's life. The part that is extremely interesting to me is when it says, "I hated no one. I gazed and gazed, and everything was interesting, I was free, not yet in love, I did not belong to anyone, I had drunk no milk, yet - no one had my heart." It seems to tie into the first line which is "that hour, I was most myself." In my opinion, it's like the baby in this story is saying that the first hour of life is so much more different than the rest. We are innocent and free. We know absolutely nothing and we have no hate in our hearts. We aren't in love with anyone or attached to them. We don't belong to anyone and no one actually has our heart. It's like in that very moment, we are the rawest version of ourselves and nothing else matters.

But I do have a few questions about this poem, such as: what is the meaning behind "all I had to do was go out along the line of my gaze and back, out and back, on gravity's silk"? It doesn't really make much sense to me. I would also like to know what Sharon meant when she wrote, "I lay like a god, for an hour"? I think I understand the rest of the poem but those lines confused me a little bit.

This poem is really interesting and intriguing to me since it's from the point of view of a baby and I've never seen a poem written from that perspective. I'm not really a huge fan of poems, but this definitely caught my attention and I liked reading it!

Stitches: A Memoir - Analytical Response Blog

David Small’s life is extremely chaotic and in his book, Stitches: A Memoir, there are many, many topics one can cover… from his relationship with his mother, father, etc to how he interprets Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland into his life and even the languages that all the family members use to communicate.

For my analytical response, I’ve decided to analyze how David relates to Jesus Christ in this book. I want to write about how David was almost sacrificed through science just as Jesus was sacrificed for our sins. I picked this topic because Jesus means a lot to me and I feel like I could easily analyze how Him and David have something in common.

In the beginning of the book when David was little and he stayed the night at his grandma’s house, we see that he had no idea who Jesus was when he saw Him hanging on the cross in his grandma’s room. We don’t quite know if David ever became religious or not because his mother didn’t seem to raise him in a home with crosses hanging around (his grandmother was surprised to see that he didn’t know who Jesus was), but later on in the book, we notice that David is, in fact, similar to Jesus when it comes to him being sacrificed for science purposes as a child.

I wrote down that David was a “martyr” in my notes, but now that I think about it, I don’t think I’d use that word since David was not killed for his beliefs, but instead, his dad almost killed him by giving him too many "rads" or radiation with all the X-Rays. He didn't do it on purpose since it was "standard practice" at the time, but it still happened. This was a very unfortunate situation and it was beyond David’s choice, just as Jesus did not have a choice in dying on the cross because it was a part of God’s greater plan and it had to be done in order for us to form a relationship with our Creator.

We see in the book that when David’s dad tells him that he has cancer (and that HE was the one who caused him to get it), there is what seems to be a cross going across his face. That’s where I first figured out the relation to David and Jesus. It could very well be the shadow of something in the distance, but I don’t think David Small would draw that symbol without a meaning behind it. I feel like this is his way of showing us how he feels about being sacrificed for science when he was younger. There are a few more images in the book where we see Jesus on the cross and I plan to analyze those pictures as well and relate them back to David in some form or fashion, but this is all I’ve thought about for now!

A Heart-Breaking Moment in Time

March 26 of the year that I was 10 years old made a huge impact on me. Before I begin telling you about my childhood memory, I want to share a little background information. My grandma had been sick for a few years and she was in and out of the hospital for a while. She ended up getting to the point where she had to come live with us because the doctor put her on hospice. I had always been close to her growing up, but when she lived with us for a year and a half, we became a lot closer. As my grandma’s health got worse, they decided to readmit her into the hospital because they knew her final days were coming.

On that Monday afternoon, everyone in my family came to visit her. We reminisced on the good memories, cried, and cherished each second we had with her. No one knew when she would take her last breath and although she was in a coma, we all wanted to hold her hand and make sure she knew that we would be there until the very end. Eventually, my grandma’s breathing began slowing down and multiple times we thought “this is it,” but she continued living.

Soon the night fell and it was time for my sister and I to go home since we had school the next day. It was so hard for us to say goodbye, but I hoped and prayed that she would magically be better when I got out of school the next day. On the way home, my sister and I cried so hard. Our grandma meant everything to us and we loved her so much. When we got home and were settled in, my sister’s phone rang but she was too busy at the moment, so I answered it for her. My mom was on the other end and with sadness in her voice, she simply said “She passed away.” I remember that moment so vividly and it still haunts me to this day. I began weeping and weeping. My mom quickly realized that it was me that answered and apologized over and over again because she thought it was my sister on the phone and not me. She didn’t want me to find out first because I was so young, but unfortunately, I did. In the other room, my sister heard me sobbing and she began doing the same once she realized the news I had just been told. I believe the most heart-breaking moment I remember from that day is when I went into my parents’ room and fell onto my knees, crying out, “Why did you have to go? Why?” I could feel my heart breaking as I slid down the wall.

My sister and I both came to the conclusion that my grandma had waited for us to leave because she didn’t want us to see her go. We had already gone through so much while taking care of her at our house and somehow she sensed that it would be even harder for us if we watched her pass away. Death is an extremely hard thing to go through and it’s tough to lose someone you love, but it’s inevitable. I’m thankful for every moment I was able to spend with my grandma and I can’t wait to see her when I get to Heaven!